


Wacky Adventures Of Hope County

by TheVulgarSpecialist



Category: Far Cry (Video Games), Far Cry 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Anal Fingering, Anal Play, Anal Sex, Angst, BDSM, Body Worship, Bondage, Butt Plugs, Butt Slapping, Butts, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, Multi, Object Penetration, Oral Sex, Other, Penis In Vagina Sex, Sex Toys, Smut, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Whipping
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-07-30 02:15:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 12,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20089429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheVulgarSpecialist/pseuds/TheVulgarSpecialist
Summary: I'm sorry if this was too much guys...





	1. Wacky

"Fuck, that was so wacky." John Seed said pounding Deputy's ass.  
"What was so wacky?" The Father said, reading his bible as he whipped himself.  
"The way we got Deputy to join us."  
The Father nodded. "yeah, I guess that was pretty wacky. "U R my favorite brother J J SEED BRO IV."  
"I'm right here, what the fuck?" Jacob said after he smacked the Deputy.  
"Y'all need JEEzus!" Faith said.

Faith was right, even though wacky it was, The Deputy has feelings too.

Hope County 11/05/2018 1:20pm

John Seed buttoned up his vest over his blue button up and brandished his necklace. He turned his head looking at his handsome features in the mirror. "Do you know how sexy you look. You look so good." He said softly, running his hand over his tight bod. "I'd fuck me... Maybe I will." He slapped himself on the butt.  
A hard knock on the bathroom door. "Get the fuck out here, we need you to make a call.  
John bit his lip, running his hand over the bulge in his pants before he quit the bathroom, grabbing his sunglasses on the way out.  
Down the stairs his whole family sat at a table. His ranch was so lit! Nobody had a home like he.  
Faith looked beautiful as she sipped bliss oil from a wine glass. "You look so handsome today brother." She kissed him on the cheek.  
"Thanks, you look amazing! Where did you get that dress, I think it's new."  
"I got it on Etsy, I think it rocks."  
Jacob cut in. "We need to get down to business, Deputy is around Falls End right now. If we hurry, you can call her and see if you can get her into the church."  
"The Jerome church? Yeah, I can do that. Think she'll take the bait?"  
Joseph sat on a chair and nodded. "I don't think she can resist you."  
John ran his fingers through his hair. "Let's roll." He went over to the intercom and picked up the phone. "Hey gurl, whaddaya say we meet up at the church. I have a surprise for you." He couldn't hear a reply if there was one.  
They all looked around at each other. "I'll hurry up and drive there."  
Faith kissed him on the cheek. "Go get her John, good luck!"  
John smiled to her and left. He got into his big yaller plane and bolted up north. He drove for quite a while before he could see Falls End looming below. He landed his plane and he hopped out, stepping into the church, it's light illuminating him.  
He pulled out a Glock and popped the fool in the corner, who fell like a sack of potatoes into the boxes at the window.  
John sat down at the pedestal at the back of the church. A few miscellaneous PEGys walked in with a red carpet over their shoulders. They laid it out and waited.  
John was sure she'd never show. The same thing happened to him at high school prom. That bitch Becky stood him up and he killed her for it a long time ago. But Deputy was different, there's no way she'd be as basic and shitty as Becky. "That ugly fucking crack whore." John whispered under his breath.  
A PEGGy in a dark coat looked curiously at John. "What was that."  
John picked up his Glock. "Don't ask me about that! You just shut your damn mouth Becky!"  
The PEGGY fell silent.  
The front door swung open.  
John stood and looked eagerly at the door.  
In she walked, she was so beautiful. Her shirt was tied in the front, her pants baggy. She was the most beautiful person John had ever seen. That is, other than himself.  
She didn't look like she trusted the situation, her eyes darting around the room.  
"Leave us." John said.  
The room cleared out, leaving John alone with Deputy.  
She walked over to him hesitantly. "What is this?"  
John smiled and took her hands in his.   
She tried to fight it, but he won.  
"This is all for you, I've wanted to tell you for so long."  
Deputy shook her head. "John, you're not gonna win me over with this flowery-"  
John interrupted her with a union. A union of their lips. John slipped his tongue into her mouth, exploring every crevace.  
Deputy would be a liar if she said she didn't enjoy every moment of the kiss. But why? She has no reason to feel this way. But she has always had a sympathy for John, he has always been different from the others. She could never shake the notion he had a crush on her. She kissed him back, their hands parted and his met her hips. She wrapped hers around his neck.  
He lifted her onto the pedestal at the back of the church. She parted her legs and he grinded his hips against hers, a soft moan escaping his lips.  
She wrapped her legs around him, there remained no barrier between the two.  
The PEGGY'S out side the church had quite a show and Jerome's church was no longer holy.

***

Joseph drove his pickup truck with Faith and Jacob in it. When they stopped in front of the church and walked in they saw John and Deputy wrapped in each other's arms on the carpet, their clothing strewn around them.  
"So are you gonna join us Deputy?"  
Deputy nodded and they dressed quickly, got into the truck, and went to the ranch.

Hope County 11/05/2018 2:00pm

In the ranch they all partied, it was wild. Never in Hope County history had anyone ever thrown such a bodacious bash.  
John bent Deputy over and prepared to pound her ass.  
"Fuck, that was so wacky."

FIN


	2. Maybe I Will.

Hope County 06/11/2017 2:00am

"Goodnight Joseph." John said as he closed his bedroom door. He walked over to his bed and sat. He reached over to the lamp and saw the mirror behind it. His beautiful blue eyes stared back at him.

He felt his pants get tighter. "You know you're a sexy fucker." He thought as he reached up and ran his hand down his own neck. He licked his lips and lay back in bed.  
He began to remove his tough vest and unbottoned his shirt. The word lust was carved into him for a reason. He grabbed his hard nipple and began to squeeze. He ran his other hand down to his pants where he removed his belt. He ubuttoned and unzipped his cool pants and tossed them aside. He looked down at his bulge fighting to get out of his underwear and into his hand.

But his epic Burmese python wouldn't get the satisfaction, it was his aching asshole that he would pleasure.  
He took his underwear off and saw his veiny shaft and heavy sack swing as he reached over to the mirror and propped it up on the headboard so he could watch himself.  
He licked his index finger and reached back to his ass. He began to finger himself with great vigor. He reached into his drawer and pulled out a dildo with his face on it. He shoved it in, almost ripping his ass, screaming in pleasure.

Hope County 06/11/2017 2:15am

Joseph heard a loud cry from upstairs, he felt all the fear of a brother well in his heart. He bolted up the stairs and opened John's door. He was riding hard on his bed, sweat beading, panting as the toy went in and out of him.  
Joseph felt an erection growing but turned away, he would whip his worn out ass for this later. "Shit John! I thought you were hurt."  
Faith ran into the room. "John!" She left the second she saw him, her hot ass bouncing under her dress as she frolicked. She turned Jacob around, he was walking toward the door.  
John turned toward them, toy still in his ass.  
"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM, IM TRYING TO FUCK MYSELF!"  
Joseph shook his head. "Why didn't you tell us not to come in here?"  
John looked down. "I didn't think about that. Now go, I need to finish."  
Joseph turned to leave the room. "I see what Deputy likes in you." He shut the door and went downstairs, stripping down and brandishing his whip.

John was no longer in the mood, but he kept fucking himself for over 4 hours before he pulled the huge dick out of his ass and lay in bed. He didn't sleep that night.  
Downstairs Joseph was still whipping himself, he was still aroused. He couldn't shake the lust in his heart. "I will pay for it in hell! God, why do I want to fuck everything? Is this my lot in life?"  
But GOd did not respond, and Joseph didn't stop whipping himself until the sun came, like he wished he would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if this was too much guys...


	3. Oh The Bliss

Joseph Seed drove down the street in his pickup truck that was yaller, like his aviators he looked in the rearview mirror at the fields behind him. He had spent the whole day trying to drive away from his sins.  
It didn't work, he could never drive away. He left the road and went into the field. His vision blurred and turned bright colors as small sparkles filled the air. "Fuckin' bliss, it's not bliss to be in the... Bliss. Shit I'm funny."  
He stopped the truck and fell onto his hands and knees, breathing in the bliss. When he looked up he was in his fantasy. He was a dancer again. The thong choked his asshole, it felt nice.  
He shook his butt in the air before standing. His aviators were off. He stepped off of the stage and walked over to the man that watched him.  
The man wore yellow aviators, his shirt was off and he had cuts on his bare skin. He was dancing for himself, and he loved every minute of it.  
He motioned him over to the chair where he sat. "I want to pound your mouth."  
He leaned down and licked his lips. "Then pound it."  
"Joseph! What the fuck are you doing?"  
Joseph looked up and saw JAcoB. "I'm hIgH On bLiSS JaKE I wREckED mY TRuck."  
Jacob nodded. "I can drive you back, can you put your shit up?"  
Joseph looked down. "FFFUUUUCCCCKKKK." The shit was put up and he got into Jacob's boat and they went up the river. They saw a girl who was fishing super enthusiastically. They passed her and went to the ranch.  
Jacob smiled. "This is how I enter my house." They went through the door. "WHATS UP FUCCERS?"  
Faith shook her head. "Why were you in my boat?"  
"FUCK YOU THAT'S WHY!"  
Faith laughed. "That's okay, you got it back in one piece Jake Bro Jake Seeeeed VI."  
Joseph held his head in his hands. HoW dO i sTOP BeeING So hiGH?"  
Faith shrugged. "I never thought about that. ANYWAY, have y'all seen John around?"  
Jacob shook his head. "He's probably at it again."  
Joseph looked confushin. "What did he do?"  
Faith looked from Joseph to Jacob. "He's fucking himself... A lot."  
Joseph nodded, he grabbed his whip out of his ass.  
Faith looked nervous. "What are you gonna do with that?"  
Joseph smirked, the fires of hell in his aviators. "It's time to put the fear of GOd into that BOi!"  
Jacob put his hand on Joseph's shoulder. "The Father, you are higH. Don't Do this!"  
Joseph kept going, when he went into John's room. He saw john sucking off his dildo. Johnny B. Goode was playing at half speed in the background.   
Joseph shook away the fact he was fuckin' seexxy and walked over to John. Hitting the side of the bed with the whip.  
John jumped and gave Joseph the saddest look he'd ever seen. In a flash of his entire life, JOhn saw in his brother, his Father. Tears stung in his eyes as he threw the dildo off the bed. "I'm sorry Joseph, I guess I'm just lonely."  
Joseph lowered his whip, his throat hurt. "Shit John, I'm sorry. I don't know what happened."  
John hugged his pillow and sobbed incessently.  
Joseph sat on the bed and took John into an enbrace. His naked form held int he fatherly embrace of Joseph.  
Faith walked in. "John, are you okay?"  
John sat up and wiped his eyes. "Yeah, I'm alright. Could you grab me my clothes?"  
Faith leaned down and picked up his clothing, being careful not to pick up his dildo in the process.  
John began to dress and got on everything but his shirt.  
Jacob shouted from downstairs, they all hurried down. JAcob stood in the middle of the living room. "Where'd y'all go?"  
John shook his head. "I don't want to talk about it right now."  
Joseph put his hand on John's shoulder. "You wanna get some Dairy Queen?"  
John nodded. "Yeah, that would be about as good as fukkin' the Deputy right now."  
They all hopped into Faith's yaller boat and drove to Dairy Queen.  
John looked over at the lady who served them their ice cream. It was Deputy.  
Golly I'd fuck you right now.  
John thought.  
Deputy looked into his eyes.  
Maybe you will.  
Deputy said telepathically. Or it was GOd. He couldn't be sure.

***

Joseph went to sleep early that night. Bitch I'm in the club played at half speed as he danced for himself.  
It was SOOOoo goooD. For the moment, his sins seemed to leave him. He had sex with himself in his dream.  
But he'd have to whip his worn out a$s for that later.

Fin


	4. Jolly My Hot A$$

Hope county 12/25/2017

"Tis the season to be jolly." John thought, resting his chin on his hand. "Jolly my hot ass."  
Faith looked sadly at John, she had tried to cheer him up all day. "What's wrong John?"  
John shook his head. "I'm fukkin' depressed."  
Faith put her hand on his back. "I'm sorry John, is there anything I can do to help you?"  
John shook his head again. "I don't think anything can help me right now. Thank you though FAY FAY SEED III CHILL BRO GAL."  
Faith was glad that John used her pet name, at least that meant that John wasn't mad at her. "You know what you could do?"  
"What?"  
"Get in that little yaller plane and ride your little heart out... You know, for JEEZus."

John stood quickly. "Yes, I will fly my little yaller plane." This he left the ranch for his plane. He walked over to the side of the plane and dry humped the wing for a couple of minutes before going in.  
"Did you like that baby? I know I did." He began to do spind in the plane before leaving the barn. He flew through the air repeatedly fucking the clouds with the massive shaft of the plane.  
"You like that don't you dirty fucker." John cried out doing a barrel roll with the plane, killing the cloud he fucke.  
"FUUUUuuuuUUUUcccKKKK!" John screamed, his throat ripping.  
"What?" He replied, using his left hand to ask.  
"I firgat they present Lefty."  
Lefty thought for a moment before replying. "We could see if WAL-MART has anything good."  
"Lefty you're a GodDAMN GENIUS!"  
They headed for WAL-MART and Lefty gave John a blowjob on the way.

Hope county the moment the Seed  
Family exchanges gifts.

Faith shook the small package. "Let me guess."  
Joseph shook his head. "Just open it."  
She did so and saw a bottle of. "BLISS OLE YASS!"  
"Now don't drink it all at once."  
Jacob grabbed a yaller present and began to take off the yaller paper. "Yay! Das boot!" He pulled out some boots and put them on. Alas, they were too small.  
"HE FEETZ TOO BIG FOR HE GOTDAM BOOOOTZ!" Joseph laughed, slapping himself on the ballsack.  
When John handed Joseph his present he sat back down.

Joseph looked down at the present, he opened it and moaned out in delight. "A NEW HWHIP!"  
John nodded. "Yay! I was hoping you'd like it."  
Joseph gave himself a test hit, it stung. Perfect.  
John grabbed his present and opened it eagerly. It was a glorious body pillow with his own body on it. "GOD I AM SO SEXY!" He said. "Thank you so much! I love it!"  
Joseph nodded. "And JEEZus luvs these presents too."

Jacob took all of them into a group hug. "I think this is the best Seed family Christmas ever!"  
They all nodded. "BEST CHRISTMAS I EVER HAD!"  
Faith fell to the ground. "WhaT'S iN THiS BliSS OiL? I ACTually FEEl HiGh rIGHt Now."  
Joseph shrugged. "I don't know, it said it was totally organic."  
Faith looked down at the floor and screamed. "WHY ARE YOU ALL tiny?!"  
Joseph looked down at her. "We aren't."  
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING DOWN THERE?" She said looking closer. She did in fact see her whole family roughly the size of ants sliding across the floor  
T-Posing.

John leaned down. "We're up here."  
"Oh." Faith said. She laughed it off, they all partied. She drank her bliss oil.  
Jake tried to stretch he boot.  
Joseph whipped himself.  
That night as John lay in bed with the pillow. He kissed it tenderly on the mouth. "I love you John."  
"I love you too." He replied.  
John looked shocked. "You can talk?" He looked over and saw his left hand was tricking him.  
HE LAUGHED. "YOU GOT ME, MERRY CHRISTMAS!"

FIN


	5. VI Pillow Fight of the 21st Century

Hope County 06/04/2018

"AH FUCK YEAH!" Jacob yelled.  
John ran into the room and nearly that in excitement. "You did it! Hooray!"  
Jacob threw his arms into the air. "Me BOOT FIT!"  
Joseph had just been out in the field when he heard the shout. He had recently became a bliss addict. The warped images were his only solace. Any interruption was un-fucking-forgivable. "THey bETter bE DYIng or some shiiiiITttt!"  
He stood dizzily and muttered. "THEM POOy'S DoN'T KNOW WhAt I have to go through. SHHiiiTT!" He stub he toe on rock on his way back to the ranch. "WHAT HTE FUCK IS UP?"  
Faith sat on the couch snorting powdered bliss. "Stop yelling, they is up the stair."  
Joseph ran SUPERFAST up the stair and into JAcobs room. When he saw that he boot fit he was reduced to tears. "I Am SO HAppy FER YA! FAITH COME HERE!"  
Faith ran SUPERFAST up the stair and shriek in delight.  
They all hugged Jacob.  
Jacob looked at all of them happily. "You know what this calls for?"  
Faith tilted her head. "What?"  
Jacob brandished his pillow. "SEED BRO CHILL FAM VI PILLOW FIGHT OF THE 21ST CENTURY COOL BRO!"  
They all proceeded to have the most legendary pillow fight of the 21st century, as the name stated.  
John caught himself in the mirror in the middle of the fight and got a massive BONER that he tried to conceal.  
Jacob's elbow bumped John's bulge in the middle of the fight. "The fuck John?"  
John blushed. "It's always like that."  
Jacob nodded, he didn't want to spoil the pillow fight so he just avoided John's shit.  
Faith hit Joseph over the head with a pillow.  
The look of rage on Joseph's high as fuck face was enough to make her fall off the bed. She began to weep.  
John looked over at Joseph. "What happened?"  
Joseph shook his head. "I don't know."  
Faith pointed at Joseph. "He scared me!"  
John looked at Joseph with so much contempt. "What did you have to go and scare her for?" John pushed his shoulder. "Pick on someone your own size."  
Joseph's eyes narrowed. "You're a pussy John, you're a yaller bellied, snake in the grass pussy!  
John raised his fist and was ready to blow Joseph's aviators off in one swing.  
A hand clasped his. He looked over. Faith shook her head as she held his hand. His fist turned into a normal hand.  
Joseph spat in John's face. "See, a fuckin' pussy.  
Faith screamed for 3 minutes straight before yelling. "Stop it YOU TWO! We are SUPPOSE to be celebrating Jacob's boot and y'all have to make it about dick size."  
John smiled. "We all know mine's bigger."  
Faith smiled slightly. "Yes, we all know that... THATS BESIDE THE POINT. Now you two hug and say you're sorry."  
John opened his arms and took Joseph into an embrace. Joseph tried to fight it. "I wANna get FUkkin'... HIGH, LET me GO!"  
John held him closer. "Joseph, you have a problem." He took Joseph's chin in his hand and lifted his face to his. "I love you brother, I'm sorry."  
Joseph leaned forward so their foreheads and noses touched. "I love you too John, And I'm not gonna get high no more." Then he kissed John tenderly.  
And thus, the addiction stopped.

Fin


	6. "I could be into weirder things."

"I love you."

"I love you too, I think more than you could ever know." John said thinking about how handsome he is. He couldn't believe he was sharing a bed with him.

John Seed was in bed with John Seed. His own reflection, but this time; it was real. He leaned forward and kissed John on the mouth violently. "I want to git you naked."

John layed down on his back and allowed John to take his clothes off. After his tight bod was nak, John straight up claimed his ass. This was the best moment of John's life.

***

Faith was frolicking in one of her bliss Fields as the deputy handed her a cone of ice cream. "Thanks Dep, you should really come by the ranch sometime. John really misses you."

The Deputy nodded. "I know, it's just between Dairy Queen, and keeping the Whitetails off your back, I'm all tuckered out by the time the sun goes down."

Faith looked down. "I'm sorry, it must be hard."

The Deputy smiled. "It is. But you know, it's worth it. And sometimes when I have a little free time, you know what my favorite thing to do is?"

Faith tilted her head. "No, what is it?"

Deputy closed her eyes and raised her hands. "Fishing." She then flicked an imaginary rod in the air. "It gives me purpose."

Faith laughed. "I thought fishing was boring."

Dep shook her head. "Fuck no! It's fun in Hope County, it's like the fish are bat shit crazy and I just go SNATCH THAT BISH!" She then laughed for four minutes straight. The laugh ended in a sad smile. "I'm so glad I chose you guys. Imagine what could have happened to Hope County if I had... I could have killed all of you. I don't think I could live with that."

Faith nodded and reached for Deputy's hand. "I know, I know what Joseph started doing was extreme. But I really do think he cares about Hope County now."

Deputy nodded. "I remember last summer, after I met with John in that church, the first thing I thought was that John was tricking me. When Joseph, Jacob and you showed up, I thought you were just gonna kill me. I never would have thought two years ago that we would be sitting here now. I really do love you guys. I love you like a sister."

Faith wiped her eyes. "I never had a sister before, I love you too Deputy."

***

Jacob held Joseph's hand as they walked through the rain outside of the Ranch. Jacob had been excited for the first rain of the summer so he could jump in the puddles in he boot. He laughed and kicked the murky water.

Joseph looked down at him and smiled. Jacob had this sort of innocence that was infectious. He saw the light of God nowadays exclusively in Jacob. Between John's sexual obsession with himself, and Faith's bliss addiction, they were all sinners in the eyes of GOd. But despite this, Jacob had a halo above his head. How he managed his sins so well was a mystery to Joseph.

Suddenly he heard moans of pleasure and then screaming. They turned and saw the front doors of the ranch open.

John Seed ran buck naked out of the ranch, then following was another naked John Seed, this one wielding a knife.

Joseph covered Jacob's eyes. "Jake, go close the door and lock yourself in."

Jacob had tears in his eyes, he tugged Joseph's hand. "I don't want to leave you!"

"Just go!"

Jacob ran into the house and locked the door.

Joseph ran after the two Johns.

***

Faith and Deputy were fishing outside of Dairy Queen. When the peace was interrupted by a horrible noise, shrieking, hitting, and a struggle.

Faith dropped her ice cream cone. "What was that?"

Deputy shook her head. "I'm not sure, stay here." Deputy walked out of sight.

John seed ontop of John Seed, wielding a small kitchen knife.

"BABY SAVE ME!" The John on the bottom cried.

Deputy got out her pink shotgun and paused. "How do I know which of you is the real John, why are there two of you?"

The John on top answered. "This FUCK came to life out of my SEXY body pillow after I was fixing to fuck it. So I was gonna kill him."

Deputy shook her head. "No fuckin' way John would kill something that looked like himself."

The John on the bottom teared up. "I fuckin' love you Dep."

"I fuckin' love you too." Then she blew the fake John's head off. Blood spattering her and John, the body fell to the side.

Deputy walked over and reached down for John's hand.

John took it and stood. "That was kinda sexy."

Deputy laughed. "Do you have a me killing you kink?"

John shrugged. "I could be into weirder things."

"Like fucking yourself."

"Yes, like fucking myself."

The pounding of feet and panting. Joseph got there and he saw there remained only one John. He fell to the ground, breathing hard.

John smiled. "Deputy fixed it."

"I... CAN... SEE... THAT!"

Faith came out from behind Dairy Queen. She looked concerned at John and Dep covered in blood. "What happened?"

Deputy explained and they all had a big laugh. They went in for ice cream and four hours later, were done.

Joseph gasped and put his hand on his forehead. "Poor Jake! He prolly scare to he deth!"

They all rushed home and found the ranch booby trapped. Jacob was in his room, talking to his siblings made out of pillows. "I never thought you were coming back!"

Joseph hugged Jacob and cried with him. "I'M SORRY JAKE JACOB SEED BRO BRO II FOR LIFE YO!"

Jacob was calmed by the fact Joseph used his pet name.

John and Deputy were talking after dinner on the couch. "What do you say we go to my room?" John said running his hand up her arm.

"I don't know John, your family is home."

John laughed. "They hear me in there all the time."

"And that doesn't bother you?"

John shook his head. "We're super close, they won't mind."

This they went to John's room. John put up all the idols of himself under the bed before Deputy got undressed. He looked at the without her clothes on. "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."

Deputy laughed. "You're ridiculous, just get your damn clothes off."

John obliged and walked over the side of the bed to her. "We haven't done this naked yet, have we?"

Deputy smiled. "Yes actually, remember in Jerome's church?"

John nodded. "Oh yeah... I prolly don't remember because I was high as fuck."

Deputy laughed. "Were you? Is that why you just brushed my thigh with the first thrust?"

John too laughed. "Don't make fun of me!"

Deputy ran her hand over his shoulder and down to his pec squeezing his nipple before leaning in for a kiss. First she kissed his mouth, then his chin before trailing kisses down his collar bone.

"Mmm, that feels nice." John exhaled slowly, gripping her hips.

Deputy looked into his eyes for a moment before she placed her hand on his chest, pushing him onto the bed.

His necklace rattled and his head bounced off the mattress, a slight smile crept over his face.

"What are you smiling at?" Deputy asked walking closer to him so that she was between his legs.

"You, you're so fuckin hot."

"Hotter than you?" She asked, climbing him and sitting on his thighs, just inches from his other appendage.

"Yes, I actually think you're hotter than me. I want to fuck you more than I want to fuck myself."

Deputy smiled and leaned her head back. "Say that again."  
"What?"

"That first part."

"Yes, I actually think you're-"

"Not that part, the second part."

"I want to fuck you."

Deputy opened her eyes and looked into his. "Then do it."

John sat up and kissed her before gripping her saist and flipping them over do she was under him. He looked down at her, her dark eyes staring up at him with the vague impression of satisfaction on her face. He placed his hands on either side of her head, just above her shoulders for support.

She tanged her hands in his hair and kissed him. When their lips parted, he entered her with one firm thrust, a small loan escaping his lips.

Machine gunfire rung through the open window.

"The fuck?" Deputy yelled."

"THIS IS THE WHITETAIL MILITIA! GET OUT HERE!"

John rolled his eyes. "Seriously?" He pulled out of her.

Deputy stood, rage in her eyes. She walked over to his closer and took out her 50. Cal, making sure it was loaded.

John reached her clothing out to her.

She shook her head, approaching the window and climbed out onto the roof. "Now listen here you sacks of shit! I may have let y'all live, but I was trying to fuck my man before you guys came here all guns blazing!" She passed. "Now I'm just gonna have to blow your heads off!" Deputy raised her 50. Cal and did just that. When she was done she climbed back in. She put her gun in the closet and walked back over to him. Laying down in the bed and motioning him to her.

John smiled down at her and climbed onto her, sucking one of her nipples before parting her legs to fit around his hips.

"And don't stop John, I don't care if someone walks in."

John smiled before he resumed.

Their noises rung through the ranch and nobody slept through it.

Jacob gripped his pillow version of John and cried.

Deputy was late to her morning shift at Dairy Queen.


	7. My first, My last, My everything

John's Bunker

"At least my bunker had dildos." John said looking around at his family.

They were in disbelief, John had equipped his bunker with all forms of comfort, bliss and food to last at least 50 years with plenty of room.

But other then that his bunker was a straight sex pad.

"It looks like you planned on having sex the whole time." Joseph said, shaking his head. "Even the boos, it's all erotica."

John shrugged. "I just thought it would help time go by."

"Or make us all really frustrated." Faith said. "I don't have a sexual or romantic partner."

"You can use me." A voice said as a figure came into the room.

"Who the fuck is that?" Jacob asked.

Deputy put her palm to her face. "That's Sharky."

Sharky smiled a toothy grin. "I don't think we've proper met." He reached out and shook John's hand.

John didn't shake back, he let his arm drop back to his side. "I want to know what you were doing in my bunker."

Sharky shrugged. "I was... I don't know how to put it."

Jacob walked into the room Sharky came out of. "He was fucking a sex doll with your face on it John."

John smiled. "I'm sexy as hell, do you blame him?"

Jacob smiled at John. "I'm your brother, I don't think like that about you."

John shrugged. "Suits yourself. Deputy, you wanna go and..."

Deputy shook her head. "I think it's gonna be really hard to get up with him listening." She pointed to Sharky.

Sharky looked offended. "I won't listen, these rooms are totally soundproof."

"John, the world just fucking ended. I think I need a breather before I screw you again."

" O H F U U U U C C K K ! " Faith yelled.

They all ran into the room she was in.  
Faith was holding a dildo. "This has bliss on it!"

John shook his head. "It's called a blissdo, you should try it sometime."

"How did you know it had bliss on it?" Sharky asked.

"I... Could smell it."

"Anyways, what did you bring for entertainment here?" Joseph asked.

John smiled. "I brought video games."

Joseph nodded. "Well Jacob, you wanna go help make dinner?"

Jacob smiled. "OF COURSE I WOULD PAPA FATHER DADA III FOREVER EVEN IN THE BUNKER." They ran SUPERFAST to the kitchen, leaving Faith, Sharky, John, and Deputy alone.

John took Deputy's hand. "You wanna come to our room and look around?"

Deputy smiled. "It's our room now? I would love to." He led her through a short passage into their room.

It has a sort of in the ground bed with a deep red comforter and a whole lot of pillows. Across the room was a TV and a gaming console. "Close your eyes." John instructed.

When she did so he set something up. "What are you doing?" She asked with her hands over her eyes.

"Just a minute... Here."

She felt something in her hand.

"Now open."

She opened her eyes and the TV was on. In her hand was a plastic pole with buttons. She felt tears into her eyes.

"So you can still go fishing." John said.

"John, this is so sweet!" She wiped her eyes and hit start. It was on a Wii, so she could play like real life.

"Maybe you can show me how sometime, I know it won't be as fun as in real life. But-"

"John I love it. SNATCH THAT BISH! Here." She handed him the pole.

He just lowered the pole and looked at her.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"I'm trying to get it in the water."

She laughed and stood behind him. Putting his hands around the pole with hers. "You have to fling it." She showed the motion.

He tried it and it worked. "How do I know if I've caught one?"

"You'll know."

The pole started to vibrate and he panicked. "What do I do?"

She took his hands again. "You have to pull John. See?"

The fish was caught and John's face lit up. "I caught it!" He turned around. He then saw that she crawled into bed. "I thought you needed time?"

She shook her head. "Screw time. I don't care if Sharky hears."

***

S

harky sat on a couch in the living room across from Faith. He couldn't believe how hot she was. All that time he heard stories about her he never thought she could look like that. He knew he had to make small talk. "One time me and Hurk, that's my cousin. Killed so many deer, we had to make two trips!"

Faith half smiled, she wasn't really sure what to say. "That's nice."

Sharky looked down. I'm so fucking stupid. Wait, what was it Hurk told me?

"The best way to a woman, is through her ears. Play a woman Barry White, she'll melt into your arms."

Fuck... I don't think that'll work on someone like Faith. Even if I could find a way to play Barry.

Faith picked up her phone. "Hey, there's still internet."

Sharky smiled. "Well ain't that weird. I thought everything would go to shit when... Shit hit the fan."

"Where is he now?" Faith asked.

"Who?"

"Your cousin Hurk?"

Sharky looked down. "I guess he didn't make it." He laughed. "The dumb fuck."

"WHO YOU CALLING A DUMB FUCK?"

"Hurk?" Sharky stood and turned to the door.

Hurk stood in the doorway, mad as hell. "I fuckin' made it Cuz."

Sharky smiled. "I'm glad you made it."

"Is that all I am to you when I'm dead? A dumb fuck?"

Sharky shook his head and laughed. "Come on man, I was just joking."

Hurn walked up with anger still apparent. "YOU a FUCK!" He poked him on the chest.

Sharky stood in silence for a minute.

Hurk smiled. "I'm just butt fucking you. I'm glad you made it Shark."

They hugged. Sharky broke the hug. "Hurk, this is Faith."

Hurk shook her hand. "Pleased to meetcha."

Faith shook back. "Same to you."

Hurk turned to Sharky. "Can I speak with you in the other room?"

Sharky nodded. "Sure can."

They left the room and Hurk smiled. "Have you plowed that field yet?"

"What? Fuck no! You honestly think she'd go for a hick bastard like me?"

Hurk laughed. "Well sure she would. Do you see any dicks to fuck other than her brothers?"

Sharky shook his head. "I reckon not. How do you suppose I go about getting her... In the mood?"

Hurk put his hand on his shoulder. "Barry FUCKIN' White."

"I don't know man."

"It's a proven fuckin' fact that pussy gets wet when he comes on. I know the internet works, play her Barry White."

Sharky laughed. "What did you do with the internet?"

"Watched porn, jacked my jackal for a little bit. What else is there to do when the world ends?"

Sharky ran his hand down his stomach. "I think I'll try it. But you can't be there."

Hurk nodded. "I don't want to see your dick. And trust me, she'll be whipping it out for you."

Sharky smiled and went back into the room with Faith. The second he saw her, he froze. Git a fuckin' hold of yourself Shark. He walked over to the computer and pulled up YouTube. He typed in Barry White. I don't know any of these fucking songs. He saw one he knew, My First, My Last, My Everything. He played it.

It played through the speakers around the room. It was like being in a disco, he turned to her.

A smile crept over her face. "You like Barry White?"

He scanned her face. Does she like him? "Yes."

Faith smiled and swayed her hips to the music. "Me too. His voice is just so... Smooth." She picked up her wine glass with bliss and took a sip. She leaned her head back.

Sharky swallowed a lump that had formed in his throat. It's my only fuckin' chance.

She raised her hand and motioned him to her. When he walked over she sat her wine glass town and took both his hands, she placed them on her waist.

Sharky couldn't believe what was happening. Was it the bliss? Barry? It's the end of the fucking world, does it matter?

Faith smiled up at him before wrapping her arms around his neck. "It's funny, this is the last thing I pictured myself doing at the end of the world."

Sharky cracked a grin. "Me neither sweetheart." Just as they started moving in a circle his foot hit the coffee table. He was on top of her. "I'm sorry." He said, starting to move off of her.

She grabbed his shoulders. "No, it's okay."

Oh fuck, Hurk was right. Pussy does get wet when he comes on.

She reached out to the table, handing him her glass. "You can have a drink."

He took it and sipped, vision became blurred, Barry White's voice became hazy, and Faith, if possible, looked even more beautiful. He sat the glass down and ran his hand down the side of her face.

She grabbed his baseball cap and threw it aside. Kissing him, she ran her knee between his legs.

Sharky opened his eyes and smiled down at her. My name is Sharky for God's sake. I'm not even handsome, I'm a sack of shit redneck. And this girl is making me feel like maybe I'm worth something. Fuck, I haven't had sex with a girl in forever.

Faith found it strange. Is it the bliss? Barry? I'm not that high, but I find him really attractive. She reached down and grabbed the hem of her dress.

Sharky watched her for a moment before helping her.

She lifted it over her head and cast it aside with his hat. She wore no bra, just white underwear. She smelled like flowers. She reached forward and started removing his sweatshirt, then his belt, until finally they were united.

You're my reality, yet I'm lost in a dream. You're the first, you're the last, my everything.


	8. Will you still love me tomorrow

"Holy fuckin' shit!" Hurk whispered peaking into the room.

Sharky and Faith were sleeping on the couch naked. Hurk slipped out of the room again. Him, JAcoB, and the Father ate dinner alone.

Sharky's eyes opened slowly. The dim room with only Christmas lights gave a beautiful glow to the room. Sharky could feel Faith move against him. He almost forgot she was there.

His heart fluttered strangely when he saw her eyelashes bat and her eyes opened for just a moment before she dropped off to sleep again. She made a small noise before turning over to face him. She nestled her face in his chest, his chest hair tickled her and her eyes opened again.

"Fuck, she's gonna freak out. She was probably too high to remember what we did."

She looked confused for a moment before smiling up at him. Apparently the computer did it's own thing, it now played 'Will you still love me tomorrow's By The Shirelles.

Faith scooted up to be more level with him before nestling her face in his neck.

"That's funny, I always thought this song was kinda cheesy, but right now it makes sense." Sharky thought.

Tonight you're mine completely,  
You give me your love so sweetly.  
Tonight the light of love is in your eyes,  
But will you love me tomorrow?

"That's it, that's exactly what I feel like." He put his arms around her and pulled her even closer to him. It felt so nice to be this close with someone.  
Her breath was warm and sent his skin tingling in waves. "God I feel stupid right now, I really like her." He closed his eyes and listened to the music.

Tonight with words unspoken,  
You'll say that I'm the only one.  
But will my heart be broken,  
When the night meets the morning sun?

"Sharky?" Faith's voice broke his concentration on the music. He opened his eyes. "Are you okay?"

He smiled. "Of course I'm okay."

She reached up and wiped under his eye. "You have tears in your eyes."

Sharky felt his face get hot. "Fuck I'm so stupid." "I must have gotten something in them."

Faith smiled and ran her thumb over his cheek. "You can tell me, is it the music?"

Sharky shook his head. "I don't think it's that."

Is this a lasting treasure,  
Or just a moments pleasure?  
So tell me now and I won't ask again,  
Will you still love me tomorrow?

Faith heard the words and understood. "Does he think this is a fluke? Is it a fluke?"

Sharky looked up at the ceiling. "She's probably thinking about how fucking stupid I am."

"When this is all over and we go back to normal, and we leave this room. Do you think I'm not gonna talk to you?"

Sharky smiled down at her. "I wouldn't blame you, that's what usually happens. You're beautiful."

Faith pulled his face down so they were face to face. "You're handsome Sharky. About what just happened, I didn't do that because I'm desperate or because the world is ending. I did that because I like you, I know that probably sounds stupid."

Sharky shook his head. "No, I know exactly what you-"

"Hey did y'all want dinner?" Hurk said, his head poking into the room.

Faith reached behind Sharky and grabbed a blanket for to cover both of them. "Do you?"

Sharky tilted his head. "I could eat. Sure Hurk."

When he left the room Faith sat up. Sharky outlined her sillouete with his eyes. "God, she's perfect. Did she mean everything she just said?"

She bent over and picked up her dress, slipping it on. "Will you zip me up?"

Sharky sat up and took the bottom of the zipper, pulling it up. "There yah' go."

She turned her head and kissed him before getting up and leaving the room.

Sharky reached for his clothes, he put on his underwear and a song came on. Disco inferno.

"FUCK YEAH!" Sharky stood up and was taken by the urge to dance.

Faith loaded two plates with food, Joseph and Jacob made burgers and potato salad. When she went back to the living room she stopped in the doorway and smiled.

Sharky was dancing in his underwear in the middle of the room. He was facing away from her and singing along.

She sat the plates on the coffee table and she too started singing. She joined him.

Sharky turned around, shocked that she knew the words. "You're so fucking perfect." He hadn't meant to say that out loud.

She laughed and kept going, they finished the song before they sat on the couch to eat dinner. They got to know each other better, when they were done with dinner they went into the other room.

Everyone was in John and Deputy's room playing Guitar Hero I. They sat down on the bed with everyone else.

Faith looked over at Sharky. "So where did you live before this?"

Sharky smiled. "I lived in a trailer park, Moonflower trailer park. It's a circle of trailers with a sick speaker system. I sat shit on fire there, you should come over and..."

Faith put her hand on his back. "So you lived in a bunch of trailers? That's a lot of space."

Sharky shook his head, his smile returning. "No, I live in the nice one. I normally hang out on the rooftops to boogie with my flamethrower."

Faith laughed. "A flamethrower, isn't that dangerous?"

Sharky laughed. Yep, I don't hardly get hurt. I just really like fire."

Faith nodded. "I can tell, you have that tattoo. So... You have Moonflowers there?"

Sharky shook his head. "No, the only time I ever meant to get high with a few exceptions was when you gave me your glass."

A transmission came over the speaker system. "THE DOOMDAY WARNING WAS A FALSE ALARM! I REPEAT: THE DOOMSDAT WARNING WAS A FALSE ALARM!"

Joseph outstretched his hands. "I was wrong. Why Lord? How was I misguided?" He took his whip out of his ass and lashed himself.

Hurk threw down the Guitar Hero guitar. "FUCK YEAH! I'M GONNA GO GET DRUNK!"


	9. Paradise Lost

Hope County 01/29/17

"OH GOD! FUCK... AH! YEAH!" Joseph moaned, he was in his treehouse outside the Ranch. This was his domain for bliss and sex. He had questioned everything, how was he so wrong?

You know what? Fuck it all, he was getting high erryday and hadn't read his bible since the bunker.

"Joseph?" A head peaked up from the ladder, it was Jacob. He still believed that Joseph was the prophet. John, Faith, and Deputy had given up on him. But he wasn't gonna abandon his faith like everyone else.

Joseph looked up and took his hand off his dick. "Sorry Jake. What do you want?"

Jacob sat down in front of Joseph and layed his head on Joseph's knee. "I love you Joseph, I believe in you."

Joseph wiped his hand off on his shirt before placing his hand on Jacob's head. "Jake, don't waste your time on me, I'm nobody, all of this." He raise this hands to the sky. "Meant nothing."

Jacob lifted his head and took both of Joseph's hands in his. "No! That's not true. God spoke to me last night. He told me you are the prophet, he told me not to let you give up."

Joseph looked down, tears in his eyes, snot ran out of his nose. "No, it's not real. I've been wasting my whole fucking life on a fairy tale. Something that doesn't exist."

Jacob stood and raised his hand, slapping Joseph. Joseph staggered sideways out of his seat, his dick bouncing off the wood. He lay face and dick down groaning. Jacob leaned down and flipped Joseph over accidentally grabbing his fully erect shaft. He quickly let go.

Joseph looked down at his dick and then Jacob. "I'm sorry Jake, I just... Need to finish myself off."

***

Deputy lay in bed with John in the Ranch. It was the middle of the night. She sat up in bed watching the way John's muscles contorted as he breathed, she ran her fingers over the scar that read SLOTH on his chest.

When he stirred she stopped until he dropped back off to sleep. She loved how he looked when he slept, his eyebrows lowering as his face changed expressions. It was as if he was telling a speech in hid sleep. She leaned over him and rested her elbow next to his head, running her hand over his beard.

Her walkie made a noise in her pants on the floor. "Deputy! We need you. We might be able to defeat the Seeds if we hurry."

Deputy leaned over the side of the bed, snatched the walkie up and stared at it for a couple of seconds. She stood and opened the balcony door. She could see the little glints of snipers all around the woods. "Fuckfuckfuck." She whispered closing the door back.

Another static crunch. "Deputy where are you?"

She leaned down under the bed and picked up her 50. Cal.

John's eyes fluttered open. "Deputy? What are you doing up?" He yawned and propped himself on his elbows, his hair was a mess and he looked so tired.

Deputy leaned over and him and kissed him on the forehead. "John, I need you to get the rest of them and get in the basement."

John shook his head, now scooting closer to her. "What are you-"

"John just go. I'll be back before you know I've gone." She turned away from him.

John got on his knees on the bed and seized her. Turned her to him and pressed his lips to hers forcefully. "I love you."

Deputy placed her hand on his face and pecked him on the lips. "I love you too John."

John got off the side of the bed and dressed quickly.

When he left the room she began to dress. Wiping her eyes when she out on her pants, shoes and socks. She realized her 'Trouble Maker' shirt was gone, in it's place was John's blue undershirt. She smiled as she slipped the silly material on and buttoned it up. It smelled like him. She took her pink shotgun out and left the room.

John went to Jacob's room first, he found him moaning in his sleep. He yelled when he woke up. "What the fuck?!"

"Shh. It's okay Jake. You need to come with me quickly."

Jacob had a strange dream about him and Joseph in a treehouse, how fucked was that?

***

She lay on top of Sharky fast asleep.

Sharky ran his hands over her back, running two fingers along the hollow in her back.

She made a small noise and raised her head. She nestled her face against his.

His gruff voice rung through the room despite his efforts to be quiet. "How'd you sleep sweetie?"

Faith smiled. "I slept really well. SHARKY SHARKY VICTOR BO BRO BOSHAW IV. Until you woke me up."

The door swung open, John and Jacob stood in the doorway. John smiled to Jacob at the cute scene. Putting his hand on his heart. "Sorry Faith, we've got to get in the basement. Deputy's orders."

Sharky looked over at them. "What's Deputy doing?"

John shook his head. "I don't know, she seemed pretty worried."

Faith sat up on Sharky. "You're coming with us."

Sharky sat up and cradled her to him. "Nope, I've gotta go help Dep. I'll be fine."

Faith shook her head, taking his face in both of her hands. "No, you can't."

Sharky nodded. "Sure I can, I have my flamethrower. Besides, Dep could get hurt if she goes alone."

Faith pulled him close and kissed him. "Okay, I trust you." She climbed off of him and slipped on her dress. "Will you zip me up?"

Sharky felt a pang in his heart. He remembered the first time they made love in the bunker she made this request. "Of course." He moved closer to and helped her. His hand lingering on the zipper for a moment before he got dressed. He slipped his sweatshirt last on and grabbed his flamethrower.

When they went to get Joseph, Sharky went with them. They went to the door of the basement.

Deputy was waiting for them. "Now get in, I'm gonna lock you in. The extra key is in the dildo in the side table of the sitting room. You are not to open this door for anyone. If bad comes to worst I'm gonna swallow my key." She reached for John and kissed him, running her hand over his pants. "When I get back we are going back to your room."

John trembed at the sensation and squeezed her arm with more force then he meant. "I'll hold you to that."

"I fucking love you John."

"I fucking love you too Dep."

Sharky walked over to Faith and kissed her. "I'll see you when we get back." He fought the urge to tell her he loved her. He didn't want to leave her sad.

She ran her hand over the side of his face. "Burn the mother down Shark."

He smiled and hugged her tight. Fuck it all. "I love you Faith. And when I get back you better have the stereo ready and that sexy body on speed dial."

She slipped something onto his head. It was his headphones and put a CD player with a mixtape into his hand. "I will, I love you too."

Deputy shook away a smile and cocked her gun. "If you're coming we gotta go." The Seeds went into the basement and Deputy locked them in.

As Sharky followed Deputy he opened the CD player. The mixtape read "FOR SHARKY ♥" a little heart was scrawled on it. He ran his index finger over it, closed the CD player, clipped it to his pants and his play.

Barry fuckin' White. "We got it together didn't we baby." He closed his eyes and mouthed the words. He could see her dance in front of the couch and take a sip of bliss.

They went out the front doors of the Ranch. When the song stopped disco inferno started playing.

Bullets whistled around them. He pulled out his flamethrower and ran for the hill after Deputy. A WHITETAIL popped up behind a bush. He set her on fire and watched her dance. "BURN BABY BURN!"

Deputy looked over at him for a moment before shooting a whitetail next to her. She laughed at him and they continued to fight.

To be continued...

Authors note: What y'all think? I hope you enjoyed! What do you think will happen next? Do you enjoy the Shaith ship?  
Will Joseph ever find God again?


	10. Paradise Regained

The Basement:

In the basement Jacob was sitting with Joseph, his strange dream wasn't entirely wrong. His faith was horribly strained, but the bliss addiction was relatively under control.

But there Joseph sat, jacking off under his pants. Small moans escaped his slightly parted lips, his hips bucking as he released warm seed in his pants.

"Why are you doing this?" Jacob asked. "I had a horrible dream about you last night."

Joseph's eyes got big. "You dreamed it too?"

Jacob's face got red at the act he committed in his dream. "It depends... What happened in your dream?"

Joseph looked down. "You were... Doing a favor for me."

Jacob nodded. "That was my dream too. Don't you see?"

Joseph shook his head. "What?"

Jacob grabbed Joseph's hand out of his pants, wiping away the jizz that was on his hand onto Joseph's pants. "God is speaking to you, you won't let him in so he's desperate. He had to get your attention. He got mine too."

Joseph looked down at JAcob. "Do yOU REALLY THINK IT'S LIKE THAT?"

Jacob nodded. "I know it is. Why else would we both have dreamed it?"

Joseph closed his eyes and licked his hand off. He was deep in thought, his eyes flew open. "I heARD HIM, I FUCKIN' HEARD HIM! IT WAS GOD!" He jumped up and grabbed Jacob off the ground, kissing his forehead and cheeks. "You did it Jake, you brought the light of God back into me."

Jacob pulled Joseph in tight. "I'm so glad. I don't know what would have happened to me without my faith in you. He'll, I'd be dead or fucked to death without you."

Faith sat down on a chair and felt something on her back. She reached back and took something out of her dress. It was a little Polaroid of Sharky, he must have slipped it into the back of her dress. "He's so sweet." She held it close to her face and studied his features. He was wearing his 'what are you smiling at' hoodie and in the photo was smiling. She turned it over in her hand. On the back was written:

In case you forgot me ugly as fuck face.  
\- Love Sharky  
P.S. If I pussy out and didn't tell you, I love you.

She shook her head at his swearing and placed a kiss on the picture, keeping it with her.

***

"FUCK YEAH! EAT MY FIRE DICK YOU SONS OF BITCHES!" Sharky yelled setting a whole group on fire.

Deputy blew the stomach out of one with her shotgun. They both looked around. They had been fighting for 20 minutes and prolly kill about a hunded of dem Whitetail FUCKS.

"We sure showed them didn't we Dep?"

Deputy smiled. "We sure did."

"I'm really fuckin' happy Deputy. For once in my life I'm really fucking elated."

Deputy nodded. "It's like everything changes when you put your dick in one of the Seeds."

Sharky winked. "Or one sticks his hard on in you. I'm just saying, I told you so."

Deputy punched him on the shoulder. "I know... You wanna go get them out of the basement now?"

Sharky nodded. He was excited to see Faith again.

Deputy lifted the shirt to her and smelled it.

"It's weird Deputy. I really think I'm in love." He said resting his flamethrower on his shoulder.

"I'm happy for you Shark. So Faith, does she love you?"

Sharky smiled. "I know it sounds crazy, but I really think she does. She made me this sick fukkin' mixtape and I swear I almost bust a nut just thinking about her. I mean, she's the one who initiated sex with me. I've never had that before. Normally it takes some persuasion, but she literally opened her legs for me. What about John, does he love you?"

Deputy nodded. "He says he wants me to fuck me more than himself. I swear I almost cried. At first I thought he was just fixin' to smash, but we cuddle and kiss and shit and talk for hours. I used to wonder what love was and I think that's it. It's not giving a FUCK and doing whatever you want together."

Sharky put his arm around Deputy. "I was gonna ask you something. Is there any way I could get a job at Dairy Queen with you."

Deputy nodded. "Of course, it's fuckin' busy as shit there, I could use the help." They entered the Ranch and went to the door to the basement. Deputy pulled the key out of her underwear and unlocked the door.

Jacob and Joseph were holding each other and crying. John was looking at himself in her 'Trouble Maker' shirt and running his hands over his body. Faith sat staring at her picture of Sharky, bopping her head to non-existent disco music. She pictured Sharky on top of her pounding into her.

"WE'RE BACK!" They both yelled.

Faith looked up from her picture and shouted happily, running over to Sharky and throwing her arms around his neck.

John walked over to Deputy and lifted her off the ground nuzzling his face in her neck. She peppered kisses on his head and wrapped her legs around him.

Joseph walked over to John and Dep as they grind, kiss, and press each other through their clothing. "I reconnected with GOd. All the jackin' and bliss. OVER!"

Deputy nodded. "That's nice Joseph." She said as John sucked on her neck.

Joseph grabbed his whip out of his ass and began to beat himself senseless. "AMazInG gRacE, hOw sWEeT tHe SouND!"

FIN


	11. Bush and All

Hope County 09/24/2017

"Sometimes I wish God would give me somebody to fuck."

Jacob nodded. "I know, it must be lonely to be the prophet."

Joseph ran his hand over his Bible. "Yeah, God told me I'm free to fuck who I want. But I can't find anyone."

"FUCK! IT WAS SUPPOSED TO STOP GROWING!" John's scream could be heard, he came down from upstairs in only his underwear. "I thought when you wax enough your dick hair stops growing."

Joseph shook his head. "It comes back... Eventually."

Jacob stood. "Do you know if Deputy likes her men bushy? She might."

John tilted his head. "I never thought about that. Would that be a weird thing to ask her?"

"Fuck no! I think she'd appreciate it." Faith said looking up from her bowl of cereal. "Do you think Sharky shaves? Hell naw, and I like him that way."

John nodded. "I'll walk over there and ask her. She should still be working." He looked down at his watch and walked to the door.

"JOHN! YOU DON'T HAVE ANY PANT ON." Jacob yelled.

John look down, e did n fack not have he pant on. "FUCK!" He ran SUPERFAST up to he room and cover he shit with cloth.

***

Dairy Queen was quiet on this particular day. Sharky and Dep were mainly just hanging out back.

John walked up behind them. He lost all his confidence. "What if she laughs at me? Meghan laughed at my dick the first time she saw it. To be fair that was before puberty ran it's full course. Maybe I'll just ask Sharky..."  
"Hey Sharky, can I talk to you for a minute?"

Sharky stood and walked over to him. "Sure, what can I help you with? Ice cream?"

John shook his head. "No, no. I wanted to ask you something." He motioned down to his dick. "Personal."

Sharky shook his head. "You're cute John. But I'm pretty serious with your sister."

John laughed. "No, I was gonna ask. Should I continue to wax my dick hair."

Sharky looked appalled. "Are you suppose to do that? I don't." He put his hand on his forehead. "Fuck... Faith prolly thinks I'm gross."

John put his hand on Sharky's shoulder. "No, she told me she loves your dick. Bush and all."

Sharky smiled. "She really said that? She's so fuckin' amazing." He looked back at Deputy who was licking her ice cream and looking into the river. "Maybe you should ask her."

John looked over at her. "What if she laughs at me?"

Sharky smiled. "She won't laugh at you. I don't think it matters what you ask her, she'll still love you."

John grabbed the sides of Sharky's face and pulled him into a brief kiss. "Thanks brother."

Sharky's heart melted. "Sure thing bro."

John walked over to Deputy who looked up, her eyes softened. "Hey babe. Do you need something? Ice cream?"

He sat down in front of her chair by the water with his hands on her knees. "Do you like my dick how it is? Does it look good to you?"

Deputy blinked a couple of times, her eyes rested between his legs and she blushed. A tiny giggle escaped her. "Yes I do like how your dick looks... A lot. Why?"

John stood up and hooked his thumbs in his pants. "You hear that shit Meghan?"  
"Well the hair started growing back, I was wondering if I should keep waxing. I wanted to ask you, since it concerns you now."

***

At home JOsePh was listening to owner of a lonely heart at half speed with JAcoB in his arms.

***

Deputy stood and licked her ice cream. "I think you should do whatever makes you feel comfortable. I'll still love you and your dick, hair or no hair."

Sharky walked over. "So, you gonna keep waxing your dick?"

John nodded. "You know what? I think I will."

Deputy looked from John to Sharky, then back again. "Why does he know?"

Sharky answered. "He was nervous you'd laugh at him."

Deputy laughed. "He'd just tell you to grow it out."

Sharky looked weirded out. "How do you know I'm rockin' a bush?"

John looked at her. "Yeah, how do you know?"

Deputy smiled. "Faith told me about it. Faith finds it really attractive, everyone has their own taste. You seem to fit the bill for her Shark."

"When I get back from work, I'm gonna eat her out for being the sweetest girl I know."

John shook his head. "Too much information Sharky."

"But you can fuck yourself with a dildo when everyone can hear you?"

John raised an eyebrow. "Touché."

Fin


	12. Who the frick is swearing?

Hope County 01/30/2017

"Fuck Sharky that feels good!" Faith yelled between thick breaths. One of her hands massaged her breast, the other gripped the sheets.

Sharky lifted his head to look at her. He smiled before continuing, his hands placed firmly on her thighs to fight her involuntary movements to close her legs like a vice grip on his head.

This is one of Sharky's favorite acts other than finger blasting pussies. But he was always emotionally detached from these acts, yet with Faith it didn't matter that his dick wasn't inside of her. He did this so she would feel good, it wasn't totally selfless though. He got off just on her hollerin' his name. It was so much better though, it was like the whole act was enhanced by him loving her.

***

New forest by Kandy Klaws was playing full blast in Joseph's room. 

He had set his bible aside and went to his wardrobe. He took out him's thong and corset, he began to get dressed. When he was done he looked into the mirror. He began to dance, shaking his ass and smacking he butt. He thrust the air a couple times, he tilted his head totally overpowered by the music.

***

John was leaned against the balcony outside he room. "Fuck, I really miss Dep. I never missed girls before. That ugly FUCK Holly, no wonder I never missed her. After I fucked her loose ugly lady parts, I'm so glad I dumped that bitch in the water and never looked back."

***

Jacob was outside running around. He boot fit so well, now he can run as fast as he want. "YEET YEET FUCKERS!"

***

Joseph's head bolted up from looking at his bulge. "Who the frick is swearing?" He said aloud. He quickly took off the corset and thong and slip he jean on, grab he aviator and RAN outside onto the balcony with John. "Did you swear brother?"

John shook his head and stood up straight. "Naw dawg. I said fuck a couple times in me head. Why?"

Joseph shook his head. "I think I heard Jake CUSS."

John felt a lump in he throat. It prolly he influent.

Joseph looked out over the balcony.

Jacob ran around the Ranch doing airplane arms. "YEET MOTHERFUCKERS!"

Joseph put both hands on the balcony railing and threw himself over. He performed a roll and ran toward Jacob. He grabbed him by the waist and pulled him to the ground.

Jacob looked confushin. "What's wrong Joseph?"

Joseph stood and motioned Jacob to follow him. Jacob stood and followed, feeling scared. He had the rising suspicion he was about to take a beating.

Joseph sat at the table with his head in his hands. "Jacob, I want you to know I'm not mad at you."

Jacob sat down at the table and felt like he hurl bout to happen.

Joseph continued. "I want you to know that what John and I do shouldn't reflect on you. We want you to be better than us, you already are and I don't want you to think you're not grown up cause you don't curse."

Jacob felt more confushin. "I do curse though..."   
"Not at all. I do it cause I feel like it. I don't do it to be disrespectful it's just... I'm a man now, if I want to have sex, or tats, or curse. I think I have that right." He looked for any trace of reaction on Joseph's stoic face before adding. "With all due respect Joseph."

"Well fuck Jake, I never thought of that. I want you to evolve into the man you want to be. I love you and I respect you in anything you want to be." He put his hand out and squeezed Jacob's hand. "Even if you want to curse." He stood and kissed Jacob on the forehead. "I love you, now run along kiddo."

"FUCK YEAH!" A gruff voice came from upstairs.

Joseph looked at Jake in a worried manner. He began to walk up the stairs. When he got to the door, he could hear music in the air that made him know there's a party somewhere. Normally Joseph wouldn't interrupt, but he knew Jacob couldn't like hearing it. He pushed the door open, squinting his eyes as if it would spare him some details. It didn't.

Faith was on top of Sharky, she rode hard. Sharky had his hands guiding her. Low moans escaping his slightly parted lips. Bad girls by Donna Summer was playing full blast. 

Joseph turned his head away. He still saw the pleasure on Sharky's face though he wasn't looking. "FAITH!"

She suddenly stopped, sitting fully on Sharky's dick. "Joseph! Why would you come in here?" She grabbed the blanket from next to her and wrapped it around herself.

Joseph turned back to them. "Jake can hear you."

Sharky looked awkwardly from Joseph to Faith, she looked so pretty, even mad as hell. He wasn't sure if the fuck-fest disco party was over.

"I'm in the MIDDLE of this! YOU let John fuck himself and Deputy WHENEVER the hell he wants. But no! When I want to fuck Charlemagne it's barge in and kill the mood." She crossed her arms.

Sharky ran his hands over her thighs. "My mood isn't killed at all."

Faith smiled down at him and grinded on him for a moment before turning angry eyes back on Joseph. "Do you honestly think Jacob's a virgin? He IS older than you. He has heard worse, he is a GROWN ASS MAN!"

Joseph shook his head. "I didn't think of that..."

Faith lifted herself off of Sharky, earning a disappointed look from Sharky to Joseph. Faith turned off her CD player and sat on the side of the bed.

Sharky rubbed her back, making small circles on her lower back. Faith looked up at Joseph. "Just go. You got what you wanted. Next time I want to fuck, I'll just go to his trailer park."

Sharky smiled at the thought.

Joseph walked toward the bed. "Shit Faith, I'm sorry. I didn't want to make you mad, you guys can finish-"

Faith cut him off. "How am I suppose to finish? I'm not turned on anymore."

Sharky laughed. "I can think of some ways to fix that."

Joseph looked at the bulge that stuck up from the sheet he covered with. He raised his knees to hide and quickly looked away from Joseph. "Quit staring at my shit, you're freaking me out."

Joseph made to leave the room. "I'm sorry Faith."

Faith turned to the door. "I accept your apology. I love you brother."

Joseph ran to her and hugged her. "I love you too Faith, now you do whatever you want." Joseph left the room.

***

Deputy got back to the Ranch late that night. She found John standing on the balcony. "The house is so quiet. Did something happen?"

John nodded. "Joseph barged in on Faith and Sharky knowing they were fucking and made shit awkward for them. They made you from what I know. But Faith and Sharky didn't even get to finish."

Deputy nodded. "That sucks. I don't get why, he let's us fuck all the time."

John shrugged. "He's always been really protective over her, maybe it's that." He shook his head. "It still isn't fair, but I don't think he's gonna get on her again."

Deputy leaned her elbows on the balcony and looked up at the sky. She suddenly felt a bulge and hips grind on her ass. "John?"

He was dry humping her butt like the wing of he yaller plane. "Yes?"

"Why don't we just have sex?"

He leaned over her and put his hands on the railing, pushing into her even harder. Grunting and burying his face in the back of her neck.

"John, are you fantasizing my ass is the plane again?"

John thrused firmly again, slamming her ass so hard she almost had her elbows slip. "No, why would I?"

"You were so fantasizing my ass was the yaller plane! At least my ass is soft. The plane don't even have a booty."

John made a low hum. "Yeah, ur a$$ is so sawft."

Fin

**Author's Note:**

> Author's note: I know this kind of thing isn't for everyone, but I really do hope some of you get a good laugh, or even cry out of this! Thank you for reading!


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